Why am I having 3rd thoughts about having a Girl friend?

I am having a cool time here at my work place. I have reclaimed my position as Mr.Nerd or something near the Omniscient (Thanks to Dr.Scheme). Naturally I have at least a few ppl now, who care to talk to me, and yes of course a few girls.

Naturally again, I have been questioned on being committed. I am not sure, whether I am assuming things, or whether they are really surprised, when I give the obvious answer that I am single.

This goaded me into writing why am I single? I am not single because,
I am not Handsome, or
I am in a pathetic economical condition, or
I am good for nothing, or
I am too numb to feel love.

May be a few of these things about me are true(it's upto you to choose which ones), but the reason I am single is not because of one of those above stated reasons.

I am working in a widespread IT company and I don’t have a city to call it as my city.

Let’s say that my girl friend (assuming that I manage to have one) is in another city.
Total Monetary Expenses in a month:
1. Phone Bill (approx) 1500INR
On an average let’s say that the total call duration, that I make in a day to her, sums up to 100minutes. Even with STD boosters, in India, an STD calls costs at least 50P per minute.
50P x 100 = 50INR per day.
50 x 30 = 1500 INR
(If you use idea and walk while you talk, this will be a good exercise. Yet an expensive one.)

2. I will have to visit her at least once in a month. With my work pressure, I have two choices to take a train on the Friday night or a flight on the Friday evening.
Train:
Net charges for the to and fro journey may vary from 2500 – 5000 INR.
*Exclusive of medical charges that I will have to incur, as long journeys make me sick.
Flight:
Net charges for the to and fro journey may vary from 5000 – 11000
Stay:
At least in India you can’t stay at your girl friend’s place.
The most economical option will cost at least 500INR for 2 days.
Net expenses 5000(approx) + 500 + 500(Miscellaneous) = 6000 INR

3. You can’t evade away from paying the restaurant bills during that weekend.
Assume that I pay 4 Bills that weekend. The worst part is it should be some place, where you pay for the place rather than the food.
Lunch/Dinner for the 2 of us would cost at least 400 (*Exclusive of deserts)
(400 + 100(Desserts)) x 4 = 2000 INR

4. At least once in 2 months, I should buy her a dress or some expensive gift to keep her reminded of me, despite the calls I make everyday.
Let’s assume that gift/dress costs 2000 INR every 2 months.
2000/2 = 1000 INR per month

So the total expenses for maintaining a girl friend = 1500 + 6000 + 2000 + 1000
= 10,500 INR per month

Imagine a guy who makes not more than 20 grand a month. How do you expect him to spend more than half his salary on just his girl friend?

Let’s assume that I get a non-bitchy girlfriend, who shares half my expenses. Even then I have to spend 25% of my salary.

In the rest 15K, I should pay for my expenses viz., house rent, food, clothes, my regular phone bill, gadgets and lots more of other miscellaneous expenses.

Forget sending some money to my parents, at least I should live without sucking more money from them. I have sucked their hard earned money for the past 2 decades.

Let’s ignore the economical factors. Now look at the Time (is gold) factor. I should spend at least 2 hours of my active time in a day for her, and at least 1 hour in dreaming about her.

In a month I spend 30 x 3 = 90 of my daily hours = 3.5 days(Aprox)
1 Weekend with her = 2 days.
Net time spent for maintaining a girl friend = 5.5 days a month.
5.5 x 12 = 66 days in a year. 66/365 = 18.08%
1/5th of my total time on just mashing with her. (I wonder whether I have enough things to talk about! May be she can handle that.)

After all these do you still expect me to have a girl friend?

10 things about marrying a BeaUtifuL Gal

I got up by six in the morning. For a moment I forgot the hardships of life, and got lost in her beautiful sleeping visage. Suddenly the realization dawned on me. I had to prepare coffee for her. This was the first of the stupid things, I initiated in my crazy attempts to impress my nascent beautiful wife.

I kissed her on the forehead to wake her up, and gave her the cup. She got up took a shower that lasted for an eternity, followed by her ages long make-up. She came to the dinning table for breakfast.

Despite getting late for office, I still have to stay cool, and feel like I have just had a glimpse of the God himself, when I see her. However it had been more than a million times, I still have to say that again, “You are gorgeous.” She would respond with her micro blush that tells 'I know that already'.

I have to kiss, sorry try to kiss her before I leave. This is a sign of me still being doped by her beauty. But as always she would pull me away, more because she doesn't want to mess with her make up.

While I am in my office, I had to call her in every break, and say 'I Miss you'. She will complain that hercolleagues are flirting with her, and she feels so very uncomfortable bearing their stares. I would want to tell her it's all because of her blood red lipstick that shows a red signal asking them to stop their gaze. But you know I can't.

After a full day of exhaustive work, I would come back home tired. She would still feel fresh, but would complain that the climate was bad that she had to touch up every now and then. When I say that I am tired, she would co(oldly)oolly say that the smart guy in her office helped her out to complete her work, and her boss exempted her of a few tasks as she looked great thatday.

I would take a few mins or nanoseconds, when compared to the time she spends in shower, but she will feel offended for I was already late for the dinner. Even if I am dead tired, and I want to stay back home for dinner, I can't be excused.This will reflect that I am no more interested in the dazzling love of my life.

After all this, finally we go to bed. Whether or not I feel anything or do anything, she would put a warning note, that we had done it already that week, and she don't want to do it again until next week. She is more concerned about her deteriorating beauty, as that's what I married her for.

All I do is sleep feeling how lucky I am to have a beauty queen as my wife. But I don't even have the luxury to rejoice that for long, as I have to get some sleep to face another day of my beautiful life.

Why am I having 3rd thoughts about having a GIRL FRIEND?

Shriya- 15,567 in L(ove)ine

I watched this movie ‘The Other End of the Line’ this evening. Honestly a very beautiful movie. I bet everyone with normal hormonal functions will love that. ‘Ouch’ ya fine no problem with the movie being beautiful, but this post is not about the movie, it’s about the Super-Gorgeous Shriya the protagonist of the movie.

Right from the first scene when Shriya is shown as working in the call-centre a bell started ringing in me. ‘May be I should make a career out of these call-centers. Man gorgeous women work there, though not Shriya at least her beautiful friend..’

Then after some moments I realized, ‘That’s stupid. There are beautiful women everywhere.’

When the first time Shriya showed signs of love for a stranger over the phone, ‘Wow that sounds like a superb idea! What if I go to America and buy a citi bank credit card and may be I will get a call from a beautiful girl like Shriya.”

“BULLSHIT” an instantaneous response from the back of my head. I continued to enjoy the movie or at least the Shriya part of it.

On ascending steps Shriya’s heel broke leaving cracks in my heart. Every step she took with difficulty was like plunging the sharp edge of her heel into my cardiac muscles. I told myself, ‘It’s fine, it’s fine, she will be fine.’ Man you see I am madly in love with her.

The movie went on. When Shriya meets him on the hotel accidentally, ‘This is reasonable. Perfectly reasonable. Why not I whack on her, and may be, ask her out for dinner.”

“Alarm! Alarm!’ The very little sanity left in me blared. ‘Idiot don’t you see, don’t you see he is handsome, hot and what not etc. if at all you whack a woman she may very well file a complaint against you.’ Trying hard to pull my broken heart together, I consoled myself that I am not that bad looking either.

On the party scene with Shriya in the velvet party wear. ‘Honestly this is easy. You don’t have to be handsome to buy such a chick party wear.”

The economist part of me pricked, ‘Mannnn, what are you talking about! A party wear in DOLLARS from a store in San Francisco.’ I swallowed, ‘I guess I have somewhere around 0.2 dollars in my pocket right now’.

‘Never mind’ I told myself trying to concentrate on the movie again.

Finally when he kissed Shriya at the climax, I had 90degrees. Hey! Hey! Hold it right there, I was talking about my hair. Lost in thought I let the names scroll at the end of the movie with the pleasant lines, ‘I can’t help falling in love with you..’ were playing reflecting my thoughts about Shriya.

After some 20 minutes I was sitting in my friend’s room, with the image of Shriya never leaving my eyes. I told him, “Man she is simply biiiutiiippuull. I can’t get her image out of my retina. Man….” I sighed deeply.

He coldly said, “Well, well, well this is your love no: 15,567.”

10 Advantages of having a GirlFriend

I am genuinely bored of people complaining about girl friends and the slogans like ‘No love no worries.’ I had a really good time when I was in my previous relationship and I have also seen girls who are much better girlfriends than mine.

So I am here listing the 10 main advantages of having a girl friend:

1. You never have to worry about killing time. You can always sit in some private place and blabber off without worrying a tad about making sense. With a bit more privacy you can even experiment a few biological aspects of the evolution of homo-sapiens

2. You never have to bother your friends to accompany you to a movie. Even if you are the only guy who would ever love a movie you can always count on your girl friend to accompany you to the theatre

3. You can sneak out girly gossips and show off to your mates. Seriously if you ever manage to crack a few secrets out of a girl about girls, you would be looked upon as a wizard among your mates who are always looking for something interesting.

4. You can always look forward help from your girl. Girl friends have more probability to help you than your mates whether or not they seriously care about you. Especially in cases like filling up assignments and record books.

5. If you manage to find a girl who is at least a tad wealthier than yourselves you can always reckon her to pay the restaurant bill. Know what, girls are freaking spenders compared to guys according to a recent survey.

6. You never have to complain about the bad road conditions or the traffic with your girl friend in the pillion. You are the worst moron if you don’t understand why.

7. You can always make your mates shut their mouths when they are boasting about something by just saying “Man she is really annoying me. How do you expect me to find a fresh deserted place every week?”

8. You can earn indirect income by giving date advises to love sick guys. As you are no longer single.

9. You can drool and mash with any number of girls without they perceiving you as flirts as you already have a girl friend. Not just that you can even make interesting conversation with other girls by asking them how to make your girl friend happy or earn their sympathy by feeling sick of your girlfriend’s aggravating interest in the relationship. (Man a girl’s sympathy can be useful in a myriad of ways :p)

10. Most importantly, you can learn a good deal about girls and hence use it to get a better girl friend.

Start now. Don’t give up. Never get fed up getting your proposal rejected by a costly girl. Never reject an offer. Something is better than nothing. Don’t keep complaining about your girl friend(s). Try to make the best use of the relationship. Happy loving!

Good luck in your teen ventures!!!

One day at the Call Centre

Recession has hit me hard. I could no more enjoy the blissful environment at home with the neighbors looking upon me as ‘Did he really complete his B.E. from CEG?’ So I made a resolution that I would no more remain unemployed. So I immediately started off to Chennai with hopes of getting a job at least some job.

I decided that I am more of a mouth person than a hand one. (Hey no double meanings) So I choose call centers than software companies. I gathered a few addresses from the Internet. I planned my schedule for the week.

I also dreamed of those call center cuties, who are supposedly easy targets. Well I started off from Saidapet to Velachery in 5A. I saw the commercial boards addressed as ‘Velachery Main Rd’ and got down at a deserted stop.

I was confused and enquired about the company.

“Well I don’t know whether there is any such company in this road like that.”

“Isn’t this velachery main road?”

“Well there is another road near Gurunanak college. You better try that.”

I got another bus on his guidance and got down after 2 stops. Again there was no clue. I enquired another guy. He looked at me as some country brute, who had just got down in Chennai Though I was dressed in neat formals with my 2000INR woodland cut shoes.

He gave clear instructions on how to reach the company and guided me into another bus. I reached the company early around nine to find out there was already half a dozen people waiting. Mostly guys. I tried not to get disappointed as there were a few good looking employees with my thoughts reeling to the movie ‘Yaradi Nee Mogini’

We were guided into a hall. Within a few minutes the hall was full with two dozens of candidates. We had a grammar test with 20 questions like ‘_______ sun rises in the east’.

I double checked my answers not fearing that I would not clear the first round, but fearing that I don’t want to embarrass myself by giving a wrong answer to any of those questions.

More than half of them didn’t make it to the next essay writing round. Now there were nearly 50 people in the next batch taking the first round. The HR person in her final attempt “We are recruiting for a domestic voice process and the salary is between 5 and 6 and there is no pick up and drop facility. You may have to work in roatational shifts.”

None seemed to be turning back. I finished my essay after all what have I learned in 4yrs of B.E. to fill the pages with stories. I was called in for the interview after a long wait. I wondered whether it’s a test for patience.

A fat elderly man, “Take your seat”

I sat down, “Thank you.” In a soft tone.

Interviewer: “Which college are you from?”

Me: “CEG”

EM: “CEG??!?!?”

Me: “Yes College of Engineering Guindy”

EM: “You mean the Guindy College?”

Me: “Yes”

EM: “The one in Chennai!!!”

Me: “yes” (Confused)

EM: “B.E. CSE from CEG!!!”

Me: “Yaaasss” (Wondering what’s so wrong!!!)

You know what happened next. He rejected me stating that I am over qualified.

Kitty the Cat catches fish

As my close ones know, I am completely vetti* at home. Nevertheless I am enjoying this. The last long vacation before I get retired. Mom’s food, internet, Big TV, Yamaha Libero, my room, a few DVDs all these things are making life blissful. I have recently found another way to kill time occasionally other than movie theatres.

Lobby* was telling me about this fishing thing at O.T.* harbor for a long time now. He had been to fishing a couple of times already. Though he succeeded in the primary objective of killing time, he couldn’t kill a fish, I mean catch one.

He being a vegetarian has nothing to do with fishes even if he managed to catch them. Nevertheless as mentioned the primary objective was to kill time and not fish. Well so this time I was available in town. So there, we were off to FISHING.

It was a Saturday afternoon, I finished lunch. Took a break spent sometime in the internet, and started to his home. I reached his home and we scampered around for some thing on which to roll the fishing nerve*.

Unfortunately we didn’t find any free Shuttle cork rolls. So we took Lobby’s fasttrack watch case. If you don’t know how it would look refer to the pic. We started in my libero as his FZ was ill.

We called T asking him to bring all the equipments we would need for fishing. T’s dad has a shop that sells these kinda stuff. T reached the harbor in a few mins after we did.

These are the key instruments one would need for fishing:
1. The fishing nerve.
2. The fishing hook.
3. A weight.
4. Something on which to roll the fishing nerve.

T left us on some work. We prepared the setup. We had a bad time getting the string tied tightly to the fishing hook. We fixed the bait, prawns that we had bought for 5INR at the OT fish market. We had the nerve rolled to the Titan Fasttrack watch case.

Our fist attempt failed with we loosing our first bait. Second time when I threw it, Lobby left the roll loose and he dropped the Fasttrack case on water. So we now had lost A complete setup consisting of a hook, a 45metre nerve of thickness 0.5mm, a weight and most of all the wrist watch case.

So I thought that’s the end of our fishing expedition that day. We tried to call T but in vain. After sometime he himself dropped by. He had already brough 5hooks and 2 weights so the only thing we lacked was the nerve. Fortunately he had brought a nerve with him this time even without we telling him to.

What then, we prepared a complete setup again and we instead of going for deep sea fishing by throwing it far, attempted shore sea fishing by fishing right under our legs, and we manged to get one :)

My Love Guru - The True Dude

The Dude Guru in Cuddalore beach.

Well this is just another TEEN post, yet an important one about an important person. You would have read (hopefully :p) about me speaking about girls, chicks, babes etc etc. Well I am just a kid when compared to this guy. My LOVE GURU Mr.D.

We had been friends since 7th std, and it’s with him I first started speaking about girls. A TRUE DUDE. He does care a lot about his style, his appearance, dress, but the worst part is he used to mess it up altogether just because he cares too much about all that.

Well as usual I am gonna share something that happened this weekend. After a month long gap I was back in Cuddalore last Friday. I visited him yesterday. Just as I entered his gates,

D: “Machi* machi look near the neighbor’s door.”

Me: What the hell? Why?

D: Machi pls da. Take your bike, just go that way and come back and look out for an angel near the neighbor’s doors.

D’s Bro: Anna anna I ll also come.

So I picked his bro up and just went for a short ride, and noticed a cute girl sitting in a chair near the neighbor’s door. I came back.

D: Did you see? Did you? How is she?

Me: Well ya good.

D: Dei she is awesome da. I almost fainted, when I first saw her.

Me: Err ok.

D: Dei she is going to be your Anni* da.

Me: Oh good. (Wondering and trying to count the serial number for this Anni)

D: Ok come on let’s go.

Me: Where!!!

D: To the road da. We will just have a look and come back.

Me: Sigh!

We walked to the road and we just stood there for a second and came back into his home.

D: Did you see? Did you see?

Me: Now what?

D: Didn’t you see? She looked up at me. She stared. Man that’s amazing isn’t it?

Me: Sighhhhhhhhhh!!!!! (Even if there was a beggar passing by that road, she would have obviously noticed.)

D: See I just took two days, and I made her look at me, and you know what. I have collected a few details about her too.

Me: Well interesting what are they?

D: Her name is …. And she is from Chennai and she is about to join college. This is her Aunt’s place and she used to come here for hols.

Me: Good. So how did you manage to collect all these details?

D: Ya well naturally I am talented you see.

Me: (Bored of sighing) So, what next?

D: She will come out to take her pantie that has been drying on their rooftop, by around 5PM.

Me: Man! it’s only 3PM now.

D: Well we will wait right here in the terrace, if we come later they may doubt that we have come only for her.

Me: (Thoroughly annoyed) Nonsense you want us to wait in the sun for another couple of hours.

D: Don’t worry machi. Look at that house there. We will soon have an aunty come there to wash clothes.

See I am already bored, and I have no intention of boring you anymore.

*Anni- The term in Tamil used to address the wife of your elder brother.

*Machi- The term youth used to address their friends which is a short form of cousin (Machan). This usage is brought in to make your friends look at your girlfriend as their sister. For more explanation you can always ask me 