Why am I having 3rd thoughts about having a Girl friend?

I am having a cool time here at my work place. I have reclaimed my position as Mr.Nerd or something near the Omniscient (Thanks to Dr.Scheme). Naturally I have at least a few ppl now, who care to talk to me, and yes of course a few girls.

Naturally again, I have been questioned on being committed. I am not sure, whether I am assuming things, or whether they are really surprised, when I give the obvious answer that I am single.

This goaded me into writing why am I single? I am not single because,
I am not Handsome, or
I am in a pathetic economical condition, or
I am good for nothing, or
I am too numb to feel love.

May be a few of these things about me are true(it's upto you to choose which ones), but the reason I am single is not because of one of those above stated reasons.

I am working in a widespread IT company and I don’t have a city to call it as my city.

Let’s say that my girl friend (assuming that I manage to have one) is in another city.
Total Monetary Expenses in a month:
1. Phone Bill (approx) 1500INR
On an average let’s say that the total call duration, that I make in a day to her, sums up to 100minutes. Even with STD boosters, in India, an STD calls costs at least 50P per minute.
50P x 100 = 50INR per day.
50 x 30 = 1500 INR
(If you use idea and walk while you talk, this will be a good exercise. Yet an expensive one.)

2. I will have to visit her at least once in a month. With my work pressure, I have two choices to take a train on the Friday night or a flight on the Friday evening.
Train:
Net charges for the to and fro journey may vary from 2500 – 5000 INR.
*Exclusive of medical charges that I will have to incur, as long journeys make me sick.
Flight:
Net charges for the to and fro journey may vary from 5000 – 11000
Stay:
At least in India you can’t stay at your girl friend’s place.
The most economical option will cost at least 500INR for 2 days.
Net expenses 5000(approx) + 500 + 500(Miscellaneous) = 6000 INR

3. You can’t evade away from paying the restaurant bills during that weekend.
Assume that I pay 4 Bills that weekend. The worst part is it should be some place, where you pay for the place rather than the food.
Lunch/Dinner for the 2 of us would cost at least 400 (*Exclusive of deserts)
(400 + 100(Desserts)) x 4 = 2000 INR

4. At least once in 2 months, I should buy her a dress or some expensive gift to keep her reminded of me, despite the calls I make everyday.
Let’s assume that gift/dress costs 2000 INR every 2 months.
2000/2 = 1000 INR per month

So the total expenses for maintaining a girl friend = 1500 + 6000 + 2000 + 1000
= 10,500 INR per month

Imagine a guy who makes not more than 20 grand a month. How do you expect him to spend more than half his salary on just his girl friend?

Let’s assume that I get a non-bitchy girlfriend, who shares half my expenses. Even then I have to spend 25% of my salary.

In the rest 15K, I should pay for my expenses viz., house rent, food, clothes, my regular phone bill, gadgets and lots more of other miscellaneous expenses.

Forget sending some money to my parents, at least I should live without sucking more money from them. I have sucked their hard earned money for the past 2 decades.

Let’s ignore the economical factors. Now look at the Time (is gold) factor. I should spend at least 2 hours of my active time in a day for her, and at least 1 hour in dreaming about her.

In a month I spend 30 x 3 = 90 of my daily hours = 3.5 days(Aprox)
1 Weekend with her = 2 days.
Net time spent for maintaining a girl friend = 5.5 days a month.
5.5 x 12 = 66 days in a year. 66/365 = 18.08%
1/5th of my total time on just mashing with her. (I wonder whether I have enough things to talk about! May be she can handle that.)

After all these do you still expect me to have a girl friend?

My Love Guru - The True Dude

The Dude Guru in Cuddalore beach.

Well this is just another TEEN post, yet an important one about an important person. You would have read (hopefully :p) about me speaking about girls, chicks, babes etc etc. Well I am just a kid when compared to this guy. My LOVE GURU Mr.D.

We had been friends since 7th std, and it’s with him I first started speaking about girls. A TRUE DUDE. He does care a lot about his style, his appearance, dress, but the worst part is he used to mess it up altogether just because he cares too much about all that.

Well as usual I am gonna share something that happened this weekend. After a month long gap I was back in Cuddalore last Friday. I visited him yesterday. Just as I entered his gates,

D: “Machi* machi look near the neighbor’s door.”

Me: What the hell? Why?

D: Machi pls da. Take your bike, just go that way and come back and look out for an angel near the neighbor’s doors.

D’s Bro: Anna anna I ll also come.

So I picked his bro up and just went for a short ride, and noticed a cute girl sitting in a chair near the neighbor’s door. I came back.

D: Did you see? Did you? How is she?

Me: Well ya good.

D: Dei she is awesome da. I almost fainted, when I first saw her.

Me: Err ok.

D: Dei she is going to be your Anni* da.

Me: Oh good. (Wondering and trying to count the serial number for this Anni)

D: Ok come on let’s go.

Me: Where!!!

D: To the road da. We will just have a look and come back.

Me: Sigh!

We walked to the road and we just stood there for a second and came back into his home.

D: Did you see? Did you see?

Me: Now what?

D: Didn’t you see? She looked up at me. She stared. Man that’s amazing isn’t it?

Me: Sighhhhhhhhhh!!!!! (Even if there was a beggar passing by that road, she would have obviously noticed.)

D: See I just took two days, and I made her look at me, and you know what. I have collected a few details about her too.

Me: Well interesting what are they?

D: Her name is …. And she is from Chennai and she is about to join college. This is her Aunt’s place and she used to come here for hols.

Me: Good. So how did you manage to collect all these details?

D: Ya well naturally I am talented you see.

Me: (Bored of sighing) So, what next?

D: She will come out to take her pantie that has been drying on their rooftop, by around 5PM.

Me: Man! it’s only 3PM now.

D: Well we will wait right here in the terrace, if we come later they may doubt that we have come only for her.

Me: (Thoroughly annoyed) Nonsense you want us to wait in the sun for another couple of hours.

D: Don’t worry machi. Look at that house there. We will soon have an aunty come there to wash clothes.

See I am already bored, and I have no intention of boring you anymore.

*Anni- The term in Tamil used to address the wife of your elder brother.

*Machi- The term youth used to address their friends which is a short form of cousin (Machan). This usage is brought in to make your friends look at your girlfriend as their sister. For more explanation you can always ask me 

Arrears n Akshya

“If all the girls go for above average boys who ll care for the below average”
-X

X has a boyfriend, who is not up to her caliber. When enquired ‘why don’t you have a better boyfriend?’ I learned the reason as the above philosophy. I also heard that x’s boyfriend has only 6 arrears now. Hey if not for X he would have had more than 6 arrears. X already had boyfriends and she left them the time when they were about to settle. I guess she is being a girlfriend to someone only to make someone settle and get better. (May be they got better because she left them!!!)

The following is just an imaginative narration. If it hurts anyone I am really sorry for that please take it humorously.

Appreciating X’s service of meliorating lives of guys she is being awarded the ‘Girl with the Best Social thought’ by the president.

President’s Address:
I am so proud of X’s service. If only I had some inspiration like X when I were a teen I would have also been such a good gf to a few guys at least. I urge my fellow country girls esp. teens to follow suit with X and be a gf like X to as many guys as possible.

APJ Kalam:
If only I had a gf like X, I would have designed Agni as an ICBM with a range of 25K than just 2500km. I urge all my country guys to keep dreaming of a gf like X, convert it into action plan to pick up a gf like X and clear all their arrears and achieve laurels for the country. If each girl in the country is as service minded as X by 2020 our country will have no guy with arrears.

Atalji:
If only I had a gf like X, I would have become the PM of India in the 80’s and served the country much better in my younger age. I kindly make a request to my country girls to be good gfs like X and create better leaders for the country.

M.Singh
If only I got a gf like X, I would have very well finished my MBA in HBS and been a billionaire instead of being torn between idiots on all sides.

G.W.Bush
If only I had a romantic gf like X I would have very well destroyed the entire gulf and sucked all the oil a decade back and contributed more to Global warming.

Obama
If only McCain had a gf like X he would have won the election. I kindly request X to visit US institutions and speak to American girls on how to be a good gf.

Sadam’s Spirit
If only I had a gf like X, I would have sentenced Bush to death. I wish I had enforced a law in Iraq that all girls should have a bf.

P.S.: Akshya is the code name for X's boyfriend.