Sunday, November 8, 2009

Why am I having 3rd thoughts about having a Girl friend?

I am having a cool time here at my work place. I have reclaimed my position as Mr.Nerd or something near the Omniscient (Thanks to Dr.Scheme). Naturally I have at least a few ppl now, who care to talk to me, and yes of course a few girls.

Naturally again, I have been questioned on being committed. I am not sure, whether I am assuming things, or whether they are really surprised, when I give the obvious answer that I am single.

This goaded me into writing why am I single? I am not single because,
I am not Handsome, or
I am in a pathetic economical condition, or
I am good for nothing, or
I am too numb to feel love.

May be a few of these things about me are true(it's upto you to choose which ones), but the reason I am single is not because of one of those above stated reasons.

I am working in a widespread IT company and I don’t have a city to call it as my city.

Let’s say that my girl friend (assuming that I manage to have one) is in another city.
Total Monetary Expenses in a month:
1. Phone Bill (approx) 1500INR
On an average let’s say that the total call duration, that I make in a day to her, sums up to 100minutes. Even with STD boosters, in India, an STD calls costs at least 50P per minute.
50P x 100 = 50INR per day.
50 x 30 = 1500 INR
(If you use idea and walk while you talk, this will be a good exercise. Yet an expensive one.)

2. I will have to visit her at least once in a month. With my work pressure, I have two choices to take a train on the Friday night or a flight on the Friday evening.
Net charges for the to and fro journey may vary from 2500 – 5000 INR.
*Exclusive of medical charges that I will have to incur, as long journeys make me sick.
Net charges for the to and fro journey may vary from 5000 – 11000
At least in India you can’t stay at your girl friend’s place.
The most economical option will cost at least 500INR for 2 days.
Net expenses 5000(approx) + 500 + 500(Miscellaneous) = 6000 INR

3. You can’t evade away from paying the restaurant bills during that weekend.
Assume that I pay 4 Bills that weekend. The worst part is it should be some place, where you pay for the place rather than the food.
Lunch/Dinner for the 2 of us would cost at least 400 (*Exclusive of deserts)
(400 + 100(Desserts)) x 4 = 2000 INR

4. At least once in 2 months, I should buy her a dress or some expensive gift to keep her reminded of me, despite the calls I make everyday.
Let’s assume that gift/dress costs 2000 INR every 2 months.
2000/2 = 1000 INR per month

So the total expenses for maintaining a girl friend = 1500 + 6000 + 2000 + 1000
= 10,500 INR per month

Imagine a guy who makes not more than 20 grand a month. How do you expect him to spend more than half his salary on just his girl friend?

Let’s assume that I get a non-bitchy girlfriend, who shares half my expenses. Even then I have to spend 25% of my salary.

In the rest 15K, I should pay for my expenses viz., house rent, food, clothes, my regular phone bill, gadgets and lots more of other miscellaneous expenses.

Forget sending some money to my parents, at least I should live without sucking more money from them. I have sucked their hard earned money for the past 2 decades.

Let’s ignore the economical factors. Now look at the Time (is gold) factor. I should spend at least 2 hours of my active time in a day for her, and at least 1 hour in dreaming about her.

In a month I spend 30 x 3 = 90 of my daily hours = 3.5 days(Aprox)
1 Weekend with her = 2 days.
Net time spent for maintaining a girl friend = 5.5 days a month.
5.5 x 12 = 66 days in a year. 66/365 = 18.08%
1/5th of my total time on just mashing with her. (I wonder whether I have enough things to talk about! May be she can handle that.)

After all these do you still expect me to have a girl friend?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

10 things about marrying a BeaUtifuL Gal

I got up by six in the morning. For a moment I forgot the hardships of life, and got lost in her beautiful sleeping visage. Suddenly the realization dawned on me. I had to prepare coffee for her. This was the first of the stupid things, I initiated in my crazy attempts to impress my nascent beautiful wife.

I kissed her on the forehead to wake her up, and gave her the cup. She got up took a shower that lasted for an eternity, followed by her ages long make-up. She came to the dinning table for breakfast.

Despite getting late for office, I still have to stay cool, and feel like I have just had a glimpse of the God himself, when I see her. However it had been more than a million times, I still have to say that again, “You are gorgeous.” She would respond with her micro blush that tells 'I know that already'.

I have to kiss, sorry try to kiss her before I leave. This is a sign of me still being doped by her beauty. But as always she would pull me away, more because she doesn't want to mess with her make up.

While I am in my office, I had to call her in every break, and say 'I Miss you'. She will complain that hercolleagues are flirting with her, and she feels so very uncomfortable bearing their stares. I would want to tell her it's all because of her blood red lipstick that shows a red signal asking them to stop their gaze. But you know I can't.

After a full day of exhaustive work, I would come back home tired. She would still feel fresh, but would complain that the climate was bad that she had to touch up every now and then. When I say that I am tired, she would co(oldly)oolly say that the smart guy in her office helped her out to complete her work, and her boss exempted her of a few tasks as she looked great thatday.

I would take a few mins or nanoseconds, when compared to the time she spends in shower, but she will feel offended for I was already late for the dinner. Even if I am dead tired, and I want to stay back home for dinner, I can't be excused.This will reflect that I am no more interested in the dazzling love of my life.

After all this, finally we go to bed. Whether or not I feel anything or do anything, she would put a warning note, that we had done it already that week, and she don't want to do it again until next week. She is more concerned about her deteriorating beauty, as that's what I married her for.

All I do is sleep feeling how lucky I am to have a beauty queen as my wife. But I don't even have the luxury to rejoice that for long, as I have to get some sleep to face another day of my beautiful life.