Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Euphoria of killing a Mosquito - Ajmal Kasab

Mosquitoes certainly are very annoying and ya the killing of one does cheer you a bit. However how ridiculous does this sound that you catch a mosquito put it in a box for days and kill it finally and whats more celebrate it!!!

Day in and day out there are soldiers dying in Siachen without even putting a fight. There is an entire state in the country which has a 1:7 soldier to civilian ratio and shits it's pants at every loud noise.

What does this Kasab episode indicate apart from being as ridiculous as killing an imprisoned mosquito...

1. People in India's most populated city and it's commercial capital continue to be as insecure as ever.
2. Indian legal system as international rankings indicate is as bad as ever.
3. Indian people can be made euphoric and forget the real issues by killing an imprisoned mosquito.
4. Despite a million strong army 10 men can manage to kill 168 Indians. So much for our size and strength.

I'm certainly clear that he deserves death but what's there to celebrate!!!
He is not Osama. He is not even the squad leader of sorts on that attack.
He is a mere pawn. Like those 9 other friends of his he could have as well been killed on that day.
He should have been killed right after his final interrogation or for that matter does killing him even matter anymore?

Shame on you guys to even acknowledge killing a mosquito let alone feeling euphoric about it.

"The problem is much beyond 1 man and the solution is much much beyond just hanging 1 man"

Thursday, September 27, 2012

2020 One morning in the Life of BillKeth

I get up in the morning from my super-naturally intelligent  bed, that exerts pressure in different points and has other cool features for an exciting, energetic and energizing night. “Good morning Sweetie” 

“Good morning darling” sweetie’s voice subdues the dozy good morning of the gal in the bed.

The moment I start peeing, it’s analyzed for my latest health update. The data collected is matched with past data by a mainframe computer. The analysis data are then sent to sweetie. 

Sweetie analyses my physical and mental health condition of the day, and my schedule for the day. Based on all this analysis sweetie instructs SuperChef who can cook every cuisine on the solar system (including the dishes cooked with volcanic ash obtained from Mar's North Pole prepared only in my hotel chain 'The Exotic'). Superchef cooks a sample serving based on the data (Eg: if I have an important meeting that day, food should be less spicy to keep my temper down.) 

The sample serving is tasted by a team of chefs for modifications and suggestions. The proper serving is cooked after 3 sample serving & feedback cycles. 

Meanwhile in my gym, “Sweetie how are my 8 packs coming up.”

“Darl your abdomen is cooler than half of Hollywood 8pack celebs. I suggest that 6 packs looks cooler on you. 67% of current day cool heroes are with 6 packs, as against 14% with 8”

“But shouldn’t I be different?”

“But most gals are too used to 6 and for them 6 would be more turning on than 8. To add to it, 74% of your current dates are fans of 6pack celebs.”

“Oh forget it sweetie. Now just tell me what I should do to make it better than every one of the 14%.”

After workouts, I would be having a massage bath in a temperature, soap, foam, perfume, pressure, et al controlled pool. 
“I have suggested less proteins as you have strategies meet today so that you can be more active.”
“Fuck the meet sweetie, 8packs is more important. Recall the suggestion”
“The first swear word of the day. Your swear word count is still alarmingly high darl.”
‘Fuck the count.”
“SWC increased to 2” 
Sweetie keeps me updated on my days schedule and fills me with the data required for the day’s tasks. 
(Note: flimsy activities like brushing sh**ing are ignored. Not in my routine but here in the description)

"BTW darl our mainframe is getting overloaded these days with increasing data. The response time has gone up from 2nanoseconds to 2.003nanoseconds. It would be good to have a dozen more hectacores"
"Come on sweetie should you ask me. Just get them."
"They would cost 2.34million USD i.e. 1784K-bills. I am supposed to ask you before making purchases that are worth more than 1000K bills.(Currency of my business empire)"

Wardrobe walks into the bathroom. 
“Why are today’s suggestions too dull? And worst why they are yellow!!!”

“Today you might have to make the decision to decrease this year’s salary increment for trainees by 50 basis points. So it would be inappropriate to look bright. Your today’s date Amy loves yellow. She was a fan of Jim Carry when she was 15.”

“Oh God, Sweetie no one is gonna complain for their increment being reduced to 49.5% from 50%. And for god’s sake order some daffodils and give me something decent to wear.”

In my dining table, “Why are there no eggs in my breakfast? I said physic is more important than my meeting.”

“It’s according to that priority dear. If you have eggs now, you are most likely not to do your best in today’s meeting. Which in-turn would result in you feeling bad for 1.4hrs, which might result in a loss of 11.2gms of muscle, which is less than 7.2gms of muscle you gain from egg protein.”

“Did that stupid mainframe give you all these data!” 

“Should I get you the yellow Ferrari based on your date’s fav color or your Lotus of the month? And if I may suggest you the new Bentley sport would make an impression when you meet your client for lunch.”

“Which one is more likely that she will like?”

“So as always you don’t mind the client. Well then, it’s a 50-50 She will love the color as well be enticed by the looks of the Lotus.”

“Well then paint my Lotus yellow, and send it to my office before I start for the date, and get the Bentley to the doors now. Isn't the client rep that wharton MBA chic with whom we had the last meeting. Well she has got a classy taste.”

Monday, July 16, 2012

Why did I join XIMAHR?

It’s some question that kept coming back to me from both outsiders and even from some fellow XIMAHRians. I have never been candid in my answers. Not that I have something to hide just that it’s complicated to explain. Anyway felt it’s time I shared the answer. Here goes…

I aspire to be a business owner someday. Hence I choose to start my career with marketing as it gives a holistic approach to management experience. A marketing manager manages the finances (budgets), decides the compensation and incentives to his team, handles the operations of distribution, inventory management etc. Hence as a marketing manager I would gain experience to run a near autonomous independent business.

Now comes the question of why XIMAHR?

Once my business is established I can appoint a CMO to handle all marketing activities, a CTO for IT, a CFO for finances and a COO for operations. I certainly can appoint a CHRO for HR. However who will handle all these C(X)Os. In a fancy dignified way we can call them collectively as executives or top management. In hindsight they are after all my human resources. They have to be handled pretty much like any other employee in the organization. They have to be appraised, their compensation negotiated etc etc

I firmly believe in this management philosophy of people first. A boss can delegate managing every function but can never run away from the HR function. The term 'manager' first implies someone who manages people then comes managing everything else.

Getting to learn the HR aspects and processes from the future HR experts working alongside; the hands on experience is a valuable take away for which I joined XIMAHR.