2020 One morning in the Life of BillKeth

I get up in the morning from my super-naturally intelligent  bed, that exerts pressure in different points and has other cool features for an exciting, energetic and energizing night. “Good morning Sweetie” 

“Good morning darling” sweetie’s voice subdues the dozy good morning of the gal in the bed.

The moment I start peeing, it’s analyzed for my latest health update. The data collected is matched with past data by a mainframe computer. The analysis data are then sent to sweetie. 

Sweetie analyses my physical and mental health condition of the day, and my schedule for the day. Based on all this analysis sweetie instructs SuperChef who can cook every cuisine on the solar system (including the dishes cooked with volcanic ash obtained from Mar's North Pole prepared only in my hotel chain 'The Exotic'). Superchef cooks a sample serving based on the data (Eg: if I have an important meeting that day, food should be less spicy to keep my temper down.) 

The sample serving is tasted by a team of chefs for modifications and suggestions. The proper serving is cooked after 3 sample serving & feedback cycles. 

Meanwhile in my gym, “Sweetie how are my 8 packs coming up.”

“Darl your abdomen is cooler than half of Hollywood 8pack celebs. I suggest that 6 packs looks cooler on you. 67% of current day cool heroes are with 6 packs, as against 14% with 8”

“But shouldn’t I be different?”

“But most gals are too used to 6 and for them 6 would be more turning on than 8. To add to it, 74% of your current dates are fans of 6pack celebs.”

“Oh forget it sweetie. Now just tell me what I should do to make it better than every one of the 14%.”

After workouts, I would be having a massage bath in a temperature, soap, foam, perfume, pressure, et al controlled pool. 
“I have suggested less proteins as you have strategies meet today so that you can be more active.”
“Fuck the meet sweetie, 8packs is more important. Recall the suggestion”
“The first swear word of the day. Your swear word count is still alarmingly high darl.”
‘Fuck the count.”
“SWC increased to 2” 
Sweetie keeps me updated on my days schedule and fills me with the data required for the day’s tasks. 
(Note: flimsy activities like brushing sh**ing are ignored. Not in my routine but here in the description)

"BTW darl our mainframe is getting overloaded these days with increasing data. The response time has gone up from 2nanoseconds to 2.003nanoseconds. It would be good to have a dozen more hectacores"
"Come on sweetie should you ask me. Just get them."
"They would cost 2.34million USD i.e. 1784K-bills. I am supposed to ask you before making purchases that are worth more than 1000K bills.(Currency of my business empire)"

Wardrobe walks into the bathroom. 
“Why are today’s suggestions too dull? And worst why they are yellow!!!”

“Today you might have to make the decision to decrease this year’s salary increment for trainees by 50 basis points. So it would be inappropriate to look bright. Your today’s date Amy loves yellow. She was a fan of Jim Carry when she was 15.”

“Oh God, Sweetie no one is gonna complain for their increment being reduced to 49.5% from 50%. And for god’s sake order some daffodils and give me something decent to wear.”

In my dining table, “Why are there no eggs in my breakfast? I said physic is more important than my meeting.”

“It’s according to that priority dear. If you have eggs now, you are most likely not to do your best in today’s meeting. Which in-turn would result in you feeling bad for 1.4hrs, which might result in a loss of 11.2gms of muscle, which is less than 7.2gms of muscle you gain from egg protein.”

“Did that stupid mainframe give you all these data!” 

“Should I get you the yellow Ferrari based on your date’s fav color or your Lotus of the month? And if I may suggest you the new Bentley sport would make an impression when you meet your client for lunch.”

“Which one is more likely that she will like?”

“So as always you don’t mind the client. Well then, it’s a 50-50 She will love the color as well be enticed by the looks of the Lotus.”

“Well then paint my Lotus yellow, and send it to my office before I start for the date, and get the Bentley to the doors now. Isn't the client rep that wharton MBA chic with whom we had the last meeting. Well she has got a classy taste.”

Why did I join XIMAHR?

It’s some question that kept coming back to me from both outsiders and even from some fellow XIMAHRians. I have never been candid in my answers. Not that I have something to hide just that it’s complicated to explain. Anyway felt it’s time I shared the answer. Here goes…

I aspire to be a business owner someday. Hence I choose to start my career with marketing as it gives a holistic approach to management experience. A marketing manager manages the finances (budgets), decides the compensation and incentives to his team, handles the operations of distribution, inventory management etc. Hence as a marketing manager I would gain experience to run a near autonomous independent business.

Now comes the question of why XIMAHR?

Once my business is established I can appoint a CMO to handle all marketing activities, a CTO for IT, a CFO for finances and a COO for operations. I certainly can appoint a CHRO for HR. However who will handle all these C(X)Os. In a fancy dignified way we can call them collectively as executives or top management. In hindsight they are after all my human resources. They have to be handled pretty much like any other employee in the organization. They have to be appraised, their compensation negotiated etc etc

I firmly believe in this management philosophy of people first. A boss can delegate managing every function but can never run away from the HR function. The term 'manager' first implies someone who manages people then comes managing everything else.

Getting to learn the HR aspects and processes from the future HR experts working alongside; the hands on experience is a valuable take away for which I joined XIMAHR.

The 1st best day as an XIMBian

Intended or unintended our Director has made an awesome thing for us. We compulsorily have to make a 3day village trip. We were a little apprehensive on what it would be like. We reached here in our college sponsored tavera to this place Khandapada in Nayagarh taluk of Orissa.

We had a warm welcome from the NGO person who made us feel at home. A traditional big house the office of the NGO has become our own palace. A couple of bedrooms, a kitchen completely at the disposal of we five guys. Our stay started with an awesome tea followed by a traditional roadside village restaurant.

Our village exposure of the day is to visit the nearby elementary school and get a mini tour of the school for an hour. That’s it. We are back in our palace playing 29, cooking maggi & making coffee. The climate is as cool for us to have a warm feeling in us in months amidst our B-school bullying with assignments, quizzes etc.

The coolest thing is the evening walk after the power cut. The total darkness walking clueless of where to go what to do is actually like flying feeling light of unloading all MBA worries. Sitting in the stands of the upcoming sports ground close to the forest is simply mesmerizing. The look of clear flowery sky, the feel of being embraced by Mother Nature virtually far from civilization makes the evening of our lives.

It’s not that we are totally free now. We have 3 quizzes and 2 presentations this week. Nevertheless we are determined not to be cowed down by these dementors. We are all set to take the day to the next level by making some revenue to the hurt airline tycoon.

It’s Our Culture PERIOD

Well long time, and yeah I hate to come back with a serious post. Nevertheless this is something that’s nagging me for quite sometime. Now in the wake of Carnivel De Vogue and blind date as part of Xpressions'11 it makes more sense for me to write it.

The primary cause for this post is ‘Conclave’, the opening event of XPressions’11. The topic of discussion was ‘Is Gen Y as broad minded as it proclaims to be?’ One a veteran marketer consultant and the other the head of Nasscom it was the best talk session I attended in XIMB till date. Conclave has stimulated a lot of things that were dormant in the back of my mind. The primary one as you would have guessed the culture factor.

The definition that was said about broad mindedness is ‘Accepting it when others are right’. The one I understood from the talk is adapt to the right things in others. There was also stress on preserving our cultural practices that are good and have a good understanding of why we follow certain practices.

Well to come to the point. I have often been into this argument especially with my roommate and a couple of other friends here. Dates, live-ins the way people dress, he always has something to complain that things are not right. When I get pissed I get into the argument saying what’s wrong dude? The first thing is that’s not our culture.

I had tried in vain to reason with him only to be snubbed at with the line, ‘That’s not our culture Period’. Hmmm… well I must honestly admit that I have no clear idea of what one means by the word ‘Culture’. With my understanding of culture it’s the way of life that has been devised with certain values as believed by a majority or the powerful elite of the society.

If I may say so, I believe ‘Sati’ system was once part of our culture, so is untouchability. So, now my dear friend(s) do you want your girlfriend/wife to die with you? And girls, those of you who proclaim to be the last guardians of our culture, are you ready?

To add to it, will you ask your friends who are of culturally inferior castes not to eat from your plate, let alone not to touch you. Firstly, can you make out the difference?

Over the years the right kind of questions asked, the reasoning and broad mindedness of great people have brought in a change in the society for the greater good. It is the reasoning of what’s good and what’s bad makes us humans the most intelligent of all species (supposedly :p). Hence I suggest you remain human and accept change for good.

Now with genetics, we are in a world where even things made by God are bound to change. Culture is after all man made, it’s neither sanctimonious nor is solid.

Will Kitty reach home alive?

It was early morning 2.50AM. I had just reached E’s place in a fast track tavera. I was literally faltering with my every step like I just had half a dozen larges of 40% Vodka ;) Got the keys from E and kicked my Suzuki Heat to start after a few attempts.

I hit the OMR in a couple of mins. Just when I was done with my initial prayers to get me safe to my place, God blessed me from heaven with a heavy down pour. In seconds I was drenched till my underwear. The highway lights were out. With my already half obscured vision through my spectacles and the broken glass of my helmet I could see nothing through the dark rain.

I was completely devoid of all senses except for the feel of my bike’s handle bar and the seat under my dry ass (the only part the rains spared). I was wondering whether I ll reach home alive. It was just a leap(ride) of faith. After all it is my very own OMR, the IT highway. I was just trusting my instincts then relying on my senses.

Mind started reeling over the consequences of my death, and who ll be hurt the most.

Obviously the first two options were my mom and her. In a fuzzy background I was also reminded of my caring TL K who asked me to give a call once I reach home and my cousin N and my sis A. And my thoughts went back to the two most loving women in my life.

My first response was ‘How could you even compare mom with her, after all it’s just been months.’ The counter response, ‘Why should time come in the place of measuring love?’ After a few arguments and counter arguments I resolved the debate that both their hearts are filled to the brim with their love for me and they ll feel a saturated amount of sadness on my loss. And hence I should start using every last bit of my senses to keep myself alive.

Just then I felt something heavy near my heart. Well yes it was my Sony Ericsson. I stopped the vehicle to put it in my bag safe. Immediately after I started the ride again I was wondering what will happen if I skid and fall? Will anyone come to my aid? Will the highway patrol find me? Will I be in a position to dig out my mobile out of my bag to call for help? My W595 has a knack for getting hanged at the most crucial moments. Will it be of any help after getting wet of rain?

Then I saw it. My s(odium)ilver lining. The highway lamps were glowing at a distance. Thankfully the lamps were on after Shollinganalur signal. My first ray of hope from a sodium vapor. Don't know whether it's the speedometer needle oscillating over 80kmph or the rain that gave me the jitters. Controlling my sub conscious urge to drive the throttle further, I was holding my clattering jaws together and trying to have a grip on the slippery road.

I was almost there. The down pour dropped to a drizzle. That's when I saw 2 security guards of one of the IT companies walking side by side. It immediately gave me the romantic thought of how nice it would be to walk with her at this time of the night with a drizzle. My conscience cut it off, 'You bloody must be alive to bloody walk with her'. I pulled myself back and concentrated on getting me home.

Finally, at the end of hell, I reached my home. Room sweet room. All the pleasant memories of my room flooded my mind with the faces of all those loved ones. Don’t know what is keeping me awake at 3.50AM now listening to the heavy metal collection which I recently got from P. Guess am just savoring being alive. Gotta wash of the cold nightmare with a hot shower now.

7 things why most girls like VtV

Yesterday when I came home and opened FB which has become one inevitable thing for me in my daily routine, I was spellbound at the number of wall posts with VTV. I got more than intrigued to watch the movie right away.

I called up my friend and traveled 20+kms to the nearest theatre screening the movie. I got the tickets after more than half an hour of standing in a very long queue. I sworn to myself to savor every frame of it.

Now I take a neutral stance about the movie.I got mixed responses from guys, but why on earth so many girls were fascinated by VTV.

When I went to bed after watching the movie at around 1PM I was more than tired, but something was running as a background job(Mainframe terminology :p)

Here I present to you the outcome of that job conjugated with a little research.

The top 7 reasons why I strongly do believe are the reasons for the profound feminine liking for VTV:

1. ARR’s music, without which the movie would have been a blown-out balloon.

2. 2+hrs of Ogling at the cute, sweet, handsome Simbu.

3. The irrefutable truth that IT salary can make even Trisha gorgeous.

4. The cool concept of just friends and the freedom and the flexibility that comes with it.

5. Putting herself in Jessey’s shoes and the very feel of a guy like Simbu chasing her like crazy.

6. Even if she chooses the best option (Financially and hence pragmatically), she can still maintain a non-bitchy image as she is so in love with her parents.

7. Even if she has a nice time with an unemployed unsettled cool guy, she can always look forward to settle in the US marrying a well paid professional.

I could see lousy things flying towards me at my smutty review. Thank you for all that :p

All I wish for is a hay-day for spotalks.

Adiyal(A)Gunda(A)Hitmen

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Adiyal(A)Gunda(A)Hitmen Cousins

Handling ur Luv Villains

Adiyal Cousins Co. has grown into a multi million dollar company within the first yr of its IPO release, and the first ever company to be in the Forbes Fortune 50 in less than 5yrs of its inception. Their share prices have raised 19 fold in the last quarter. Here is the exclusive interview given to BT by the founders, the cousins, sharing their secret to success.

What does the term ‘Adiyal Mean’?
S: Adi – Hit. Al- man. The man whom you hire to hit someone is called Adiyal. Basically we are a Chennai based company. As we moved across various other states in the country we added ‘Gunda’.
N: As we have now grown into an MNC we had to give it a global name hence we have added Hitmen to the traditional name.

How did this idea occur to you? And Whose Idea is this?
S: To answer the first question, my cousin N here was in love with a gal M. A guy named R had been disrupting all N’s romantic attempts to win over M. We had to handle him. Unfortunately we then had no one to go to. We lacked the necessary expertise, and he was crest-fallen.
N: S’s case was worse that every other gal he loved was already committed. We then decided to take care of handling such dorks from disrupting anyone’s love. The idea was basically my cousin S’s, who finds an opportunity in every failure.

So you say it was started as a Non-profit organization intended to serve guys in love?
N: Yes, egjactly, and it isn’t ‘was’ but it still is. We are still on it.
S: But people fail to realize the value of things they get for free, and we had to take care of our operating costs.
N: To add a point. We do handle problems of handling gals. Gals can anytime contact my toll-free no 987654321
S: Gals can contact my number too 123456789, and yes it’s toll-free for gals.

Cool! The idea initially wouldn’t have been so appealing then, but even after you have crossed the 1Billion mark why don’t more people try entering into the sector?
S: That’s a good question. In any entrepreneurial venture the initiator always gets a lead.
N: Similarly we do have the lead i.e. a few 100 more hitmen to crush anyone who intends to be our competitor.

Now apart from hitting you also provide eloping services etc how are these new services coming up?
N: Our clients are truly happy about these new services.
S: Yet hitting remains our core expertise and the most sought service to date.

Your previous logo was the pop ‘Vurutukatai’ why did you replace it with a baseball bat?
S: Just like our name, along our growth path we changed the logo to a ‘Hockey stick’ when we became national and now we are an MNC, and we need to keep our logo in par with international standards.

You talk about international standards why not go for Glock 16?
N: We are not mafias Ms.Reporter.
S: And our success lies in simplicity. Rarely ever we come across clients who would want to handle hi-fi yankers.
N: In general these love villains are too timid to even resist a single hit. At the most we had to resort to ‘Thundu bladu’ i.e 1 half of a 7’o clock blade.
S: Finally it isn't about the hit weapon, but the hitman. We hire quality hitman, and all our hitman are of ISO 9001:2000 standard.

This explains your low operating costs and the high profits.
S: Not at all. You make us sound like we are underpaying our staff and over charging our clients.
N: We run on low margins. The huge profits are because of our behemoth customer base.
S: We never knew that so many people wanted help with handling their love villains.

Harvard Business School has offered their honorary Doctorate to both of you, but why did you turn that offer down?
S: As you know, we are running tight on our schedules. But HBS wanted us to give a guest lecture to their grads.
N: People like us who are into social service can’t take breaks. Love simply can’t wait. Our love clock runs 24x7.


How is the future of this hitting sector?
S: As long as there is love, there will be villains, and we will have business to do.
N: And as I had already told you this is not about making money, but serving the needy. If at anytime if people find none to disrupt their love, we ll just be happy.
S: (hisses: N be quite don’t scare away our investors) But such a thing will never happen. As long as there is love there will be people to disrupt, if not we ll create such people. So we will always be in the market.

What is your advice to young and aspiring lovers?
S: Don’t ever think of diplomacy it’s costlier. It will let your gal take you as timid, and it isn’t an effective way either. The added advantage is we rarely came across 2nds. Once you use our service none will ever think of crossing your love again.
N: Never fear we are here. Love as many gals as you wish we are here to handle the villains.

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